Sunday, April 18, 2004

Thunderstorms were predicted for yesterday, and they finally came today. I didn't mind at all, though - pouring rain was pretty refreshing when I was walking back from the gym. And by the way, I did 2.84 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill. Not bad at all. Especially considering that except for a 5 minute cooldown at the end, my speed never dropped below 6.0 mph. Pretty damn good.

And by the time I had to go out again, the rain had stopped. All in all, spring has arrived, and it feels nice.

My self-defense seminar went well. I taught, we all had fun, and no one got hurt (except for me. What happened to my hand? I don't remember anything, but why's it sore?) Turnout was low, but that's probably my own fault. I check my e-mail several times a day. So I made the mistake of assuming that everyone else would too, so I didn't send out the invitational e-mail until pretty late. But the four people who actually came had fun and learned stuff, I think.

I'm a very pessimistic person, or maybe very cynical. A "glass half empty" kind of guy, one way or the other. But the thing it's all too easy to forget is that there's no difference in the glass. Half full or half empty, it has the same amount of beer in it. And the same is true of pessimism versus optimism. Ebenezer Scrooge - not a perfect example of this, but a perfect example of a similar, related problem - was rich in every way. And plenty of people with hope of Heaven - how much more optimistic can you get than that? - lead lives of poverty or desperation that would drive other people nuts. Whatever determines your attitude, it's not money or friends.

So if it's not environmental, why is it that some people are pessimistic and others are optimistic? Does it "just happen"? Well, that doesn't get us anywhere. Is it genetic or biological? In some cases, sure, but it can't be true of all cases. Is it something you learn? Maybe, but in my case I was the most optimistic at what, looking back, were some of the worst times in my life. So I sure didn't learn it from experience. Then... is it a choice?

But why would anyone choose that? How do you un-choose it? Does it just take more force of will than I've used in the past? Will it pass in time naturally?

Oh well. Anyways, I've got a ton of work to do today. Damn procrastination. It's doable, but... The choices are working hard tonight, working myself to the bone Wednesday, or probably failing a class in two weeks. It's an unpleasant choice, but it's an easy one.

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