Monday, March 07, 2005

This morning I was planning on going to the gym with Eric at 11 a.m. But I slept until noon, and then I sat down to write that last blog post, which I thought would be quick - but turned out to take over an hour. By the time I was ready to go it was about 1:30 but the gym closes at 2 p.m. over spring break, so there was no point. So instead I borrowed Eric's ID card (I want to save my declining, but he has no shortage), went to the Pit, got some lunch and did some reading for my fiction class. I'm writing this in the CT office at the moment.

Last night I had a dream about being back in Nantes with some friends. It was just like our trip for next weekend took us to France instead of Toronto. It felt great to be back. I mean, I was laughing and saying "I'm home" as we walked down a major street in the pedestrian quarter. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Yesterday Kenny, Eric and I watched "Air Force One". Good movie. Kenny was the only one who hadn't seen it before. It has quite a lot of political subtext that is very relevant and charged post-September 11, so Kenny's faces at the speech in the beginning was sort of funny. That night we all - me, Eric, Kenny, Katye and Seth - went to Bazil's an Italian restaurant around here. Good stuff.

Saturday night and yesterday morning really sucked, though. First Kenny and Katye got in a fight. Then Katye and I got in a fight. Then Eric and Kenny got in a fight. Kenny and Katye have reconciled. So did Kenny and Eric. You'll notice what pairing doesn't appear on that list.

It was my fault. I said something incredibly arrogant and condescending. And this is hardly the first time. I haven't had the chance to apologize yet, but... I mean, I can't even claim that I was misunderstood, or that I was in a bad mood or tired or wasn't myself for some other reason. I just was an asshole. Why do I do stuff like this? How can I be so compassionate in some ways, with some people, and such a conceited callous sociopath in other situations? Well, I can make a few guesses about why. But the more important question is, what the Hell can I do about it and how can I make up for what I've already done?

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