Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I think I've become more antisocial over the past few months than I was, say, two years ago. Worse at small talk, not laughing at jokes unless I really genuinely find them funny, not worrying so much about getting together with friends, hanging out at Unfogged a lot less, oversharing or being too closemouthed at random. It worries me a bit.

Is it caused by some problem in my head? Maybe I am relapsing into depression. I had a mild case of depression for several years, for which I was both medicated and in therapy. I weaned myself off the medication with help from the therapist, and made some good lifestyle changes, and I'm pretty sure I haven't been depressed in three years in any meaningful sense, but who knows, maybe I'm just falling back into that condition. Or maybe I'm getting complacent because I'm happily engaged, so I can relax about socializing, even in ways I really shouldn't. Or maybe my job is getting to me. I've never been enthusiastic about it, and it's getting worse soon because the office is moving.

But then again, maybe it's a totally healthy response to just not liking people much. Sorry if I don't always feel like playing along with my supervisor's jokes, I don't actually dislike him, he's just not my favorite co-worker, nor even in the top five. Another co-worker I fail to banter with, I actually do dislike. As for feeling pressure to socialize, well, why should I?