Last night: Kenny's birthday party (happy birthday again, K-Dog!), followed by a Beirut tournament with some CT people, followed by extreme drunkenness - holy shit, but that punch was strong. It just tasted a little more tangy than perfectly normal fruit juice, but all I had was two cups of that and two beers and I was incoherent for the rest of the night. For some reason, I was speaking in an Australian accent to Sandeep at the CT party. I mean, Australians have a reputation for being party animals, so anyone who's drunk must act Australian, right? Well, it made sense at the time.
Today, 8 p.m.: Doing great, except of course for no small amount of work hanging over my head. Other than that, fine.
Today, 10 p.m.: I'm the lowest of the low - I can't believe what I did while drunk last night. And I see a choice from a few weeks ago in a new light, and it looks pretty disgusting. Did I really think so little of a friend of mine that I thought she'd easily cheat on a serious, deep, long-term relationship just because I made an advance? What's wrong with me? I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve my friends, but that's okay because at this rate I won't have them any more.
Today, now: Wait a second, I was completely inarticulate due to the massive amount of alcohol in my system, but what I actually did last night wasn't meant the way it was taken at all. It may have sounded extremely sexist, but in fact I was actually trying to confess to having done something slightly sexist. Not bragging but admitting. So either alcohol not just nullified but actually reversed my emotions on that subject... or that was my weekly episode of Bad Communication Skills. And what I did a few weeks ago - maybe it would have been as bad as some people thought, except that I said that very minute that I didn't expect her to respond well to my making a move.
Heh. Embarrassing, sure, but disgusting and terrible? Again, too self-critical, I think.
Thanks for talking me through this, G. Sounds like I needed it.